People talk to me,
But nothing ever hits home.

My life completely changed four years ago today, the moment I met my goddaughter.

The bravest thing that I’ve ever done, is continuing my life when I wanted to die. I did that for her, until I wanted to do it for myself. Nadia means light, and hope, which is what she gave to me. It’s her birthday, but I got the gift. 

i just feel impossible
like life wasn’t meant
for me.
like it was an
i showed up to
drunk out of
my mind.

Here are 10 of my endless fave moments with/about the girls, just for the heck of it:
1. Obviously every moment ever

2. First time holding them and them looking at me and me thinking it’s the coolest thing in the world that anybody’s ever done

3. When one of the girls love something that I love all on their own – dancing to the ramones, liking the same toys, rocking the same shoes as Nora purposeful or not, etc the list goes on forever. 

4. Rocking Nadia to sleep listening to Amazing Grace and coming damn close to crying because she is mine (amazing grace).

5. How Nora curls her lip up when she smiles

6. The first time I heard any of them cry and immediately wanted to cry too.

7. That I’m counting on them counting on me. Anytime I think about just saying fuck it and give up trying so hard all the time, I remember who’s watching.

8. That they call me Dee Dee

9. The first time out of nowhere, Ivy played Für Elise

10. Nadia hugging me and saying “I’m glad you’re here”.